I keep forgetting...

I keep forgetting.
Forgetting who i am and where i fit into this mess of a world.
When will i own myself completely?

I keep forgetting to smile, to laugh, to enjoy.
This can't be all there is.

I keep forgetting you.
your arm around me, your laugh, your hand in mine.
I keep forgetting why i ended it.
I keep forgetting now i can move on and be me.

oh. i keep forgetting to be me.

but i remember that night, with the bright lights and happy faces,
but all i cared about was yours.
but not tonight.
tonight is not the last time i will see the light.

I keep forgetting that we are trying to be "just friends".
which really means awkward conversations,
where neither one of us really say anything.
but in my brain,
there is a full dialogue of things i want to say to you.

I keep forgetting to forget you.
but everyday that goes by with out a text from you,
i start forgetting.
and i keep forgetting.
your hair and jokes and eyes.

but maybe its for the better because sometimes,
remembering is much harder than the pain of
forgetting.